I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive

Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.  Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner. I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter

The tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Only the mediocre are always at their best

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. You’re only as good as your last haircut

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life. If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday