To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.

I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde. I’d love to stand here and talk with you…but I’m not going to.

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.